Authenticity

From Honouring The Self by Nathanial Branden.

Of all the judgments that we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves, for that judgment touches the very center of our existence...

To honour the self is live authentically, to speak and act from our innermost convictions and feelings.

A few years ago, I read something of a fluff book in which the basic philosophy ended up being memorable. A man dies, waits a bit in purgatory as he watches people who came after him move along to their kingdom of heaven. He waits and worries and ponders explanations for the others going before him, because really, he feels he's lived a good life. Finally he gets his turn to stand before his judger and feels confident. But then they play out the story of his life and he loses his confidence, because though he never harmed anyone, nor did he go out of his way, in any instance, to help anyone in a notable way. I distinctly remember them showing him a scenario in which he stood next to an older woman he should have helped into a seat or something and, instead, ignored her while someone else filled that role. And he didn't ignore her on purpose or out of mean spirit but because he simply didn't notice her. Anyway, he's given a chance to do right and goes back to his life just for the chance to help a young girl..that I think was in some way connected to him somehow-I don't remember the storyline of that really.

But the philosophy has always troubled me when I actually take the time to think about it. When you give of yourself because you consciously realize it's the right thing to do (not necessarily something you want to do) and not because it's your inherent desire, are the acts authentic? Or are they false, fake, without merit or value? If you have to spend your time reminding yourself to be aware of your surroundings and opportunities to provide assistance, are you acting from your innermost convictions and feelings as is someone who notices things without true conscious thought? What a struggle..


I remember a Friends episode where Joey explains to Phoebe that there is no such thing as unselfish (or selfless) act of charity, because the act itself gives the benefactor good feelings about themselves. It's true, I think. More often than not, anyway.

I don't know, I don't know. I strive for authenticity..because, what an honorable thing if the authenticity is filled with goodness and the promotion of good things. But I know I do some things in a false manner, without an inherent desire but because of the consciously predicted outcome, because I know these are the right and correct things to do or because of how it will make me look to others and in the grand scheme of things. The latter is especially hard for people, like me, who wants to be accepted and liked by all-which is an impossible feat.

From small or large, we can easily live our lives in an inauthentic manner. I try to make it a point to ask myself, almost to the point of obsession, why I do the things I do or say the things I say, because I truly feel that one day I will be sat down to watch the story of this life I'm living right now and things that seem easily forgettable and of no consequence to anything today will some day be held up for consideration.