Drama

Save that Drama for your Mama.

I emphatically agree. Everyone knows what is meant when you say "omg, so much drama". It doesn't have anything to do with theater arts. =)

I have a lot of drama in my every day life. Mainly with my family, but it's definitely there. So, when I come online to relax and enjoy myself, I don't want to be a part of any drama. I don't want to hear about any drama. I don't even want to know about any drama. I just want to have a good time and forget the shit I have to deal with everyday. That's not too much to ask, no?

I'm a member of this SUPER cool website that is independently and privately owned. We have drama there. But the arguments last about as long as it takes to blink and they tend to be about important things (with an occasional spat about some RPG). World issues, personal convictions. The thing is, we say what we mean. We don't hide behind private messages and talking behind another's back. We say what we need to say, like the adults that we are, and we get over it by either coming to a mutual understanding or agreeing to disagree. It's really rather simple.

The thing that I don't get is trival drama. All that "He said, she said" and instigating crap. I don't have time for that kind of juvenile shit. My plate is full and I am not hungry.

I have a friend who is upset that I don't like one of her guy friends. I don't. I think he's a self involved, self serving, plain old assholy dickhead. I respect the fact that she might see other things in him that are good, but these things are not things that I see, for whatever reason. So, it's cool with me that she's friends with him even though I find him unworthy-why isn't it cool with her that I'm not friends with him? I don't have to like everyone. She doesn't! And I'm certainly not going to like someone on the basis of my friends liking them. That's dumb. BUT! I will be civil with almost everyone. I treat people with the common courtesy we should all be afforded. I just won't pretend I love you if I don't like you. That's fake.

And this^^^^^^^^is trivial drama. This is the kind of shit you see everywhere instead of people arming themselves with a bit knowledge about what's going on in this world.

Peace out.

Too much

For the past 6 months, I've let myself succumb to these weird, anxiety like moments. It's hard to describe what it feels like. I've been feeling it all day.. it starts in the pit of my stomach. Just sitting there, all knotted up-some kind of ball of emtion churning inside itself. Having a war with itself. I can handle that part though. It's when it starts sliding up my stomach and getting close to my chest that it freaks me out. That's when I know it's going to get worse, that it's not going to stop, but keep going until I can't handle it. When it gets to my chest, my heart starts beating faster and I feel like something is sitting on the entire part of my upper body. But then it gets into my throat and it's like something is caught there and the only thing to do is vomit. Like, I feel the need to vomit out this emotion...like there's no other way to get it out. My insides start shaking, if that's even possible. It's paralyzing. It happened just now while I was reading. I started to cry but I didn't want to cry out loud, so I cover my mouth to hold it in. And it's worse. Like, from the Joy Luck Club..I'm swallowing my tears, choking on them. I don't know why. I was just reading. That's it.

Moments

Our lives are measured by moments. This is fact. Easily forgettable or wonderously remembered moments. It's in a moment that a life can change...for the better, for the worse, or just for change.

My friend's neice is dying. Snap your fingers is how quickly it happened. One moment, a laughing child. The next moment, lying still in a coma. I don't know what to say or do to comfort her. Everything seems so trite, so already been said and done before. And yes, this situation isn't unique, it's happened before to many, many people. But not to her. So..it is unique. How do I help her, when I am so moved by this? How do I let go of my feelings so I don't end up being comforted by the one who should be comforted, which is what too often happens in times of tragedy?

So, I texted her. "I love you, am thinking about you. Don't want you to reply, just want you to know"

Is it enough? Is it? It can't possibly be.