Road Trip

I could make a career out of road trips, seriously, and wouldn't mind. Am on my way out of town to Houston for my sister in laws baby shower in a couple of hours. I will be an aunt, officially, for the seventh time. A little boy, due date August. Exciting. I haven't seen my brother Josh since Christmas and that's pretty sorry considering I go to Houston at least once a month. But this year has been hectic.

Went to Inks Lake State Park with my sister and Jared yesterday. We had so much fun and it was sooooo..I don't know, it felt so good to see my sister relaxed and up out of the bed having fun with us and enjoying the day. She kept talking about how happy she was and what a wonderful day she was having. I am going to try and make sure she gets out a lot this summer.

My mom got her eye surgery done yesterday, now she can see in one eye! 20/20! Amazing. It's like a miracle. She told her doctor that his job must be very rewarding..making people see again. I so want to get Lasik. It would be amazing to open my eyes in the morning and just see, without having to fumble with glasses or worry about if I left my contacts at home. It's the most horrifying feeling to not be able to see shit right in front of your face. So, anyway, she goes back in 4 weeks to do the other eye.

Lorrie and fam moved into their new home, left all the remnants of emotional yuck in her old house.

Cris is doing well and is actually coming up here again the weekend after next , when David gets his first weekend with Grace. If I knew all it was going to take was a divorce to get her up here, I would have long ago filed the papers on her behalf. ;-) Is that a classless joke? Oh well. Laughter helps. I could never stand that guy anyway. Good riddance. A divorce party is in the works for the day that shit gets signed.

Holly's son got his skin graphs and it went extremely well and his recovery has been as smooth as Rob Thomas' singing and me mentioning it. Can't wait to see them this weekend.


Me? I'm doing..ups and bumps with Jesse and fam and life and feelings. But this moment feels good. The next might not. But all that up there^^^that's what I like. All my "you's" being happy makes me feel happy.

Some people want it all, but I don't want nothing at all, because everything means nothing...it I ain't got you.

TGIF

Fridays are fun because Jesse doesn't have school or work and our whole day is generally free. So we get to do cool water stuff. Tomorrow, we're going to Inks Lake or something or other for the whole day with his kids and Jared. I have everything packed up and ready to go. I've recently come to realize that I'm a control freak. I like things my way and to do it myself. Or else I think it won't be done right. And it's usually not.

My ortho is pissing me off. I don't have insurance. I'm paying the equivalent of a small brand new car for his services. That's a lot of money to me. I have a gap on my grill. I expected that. That's fine. He told me the plan. But, he also gave me a time frame and that frame has apparently lost its borders. Over the last couple of months, he was opening a section in my mouth that he is now closing because he "guesses he over guestimated how quickly it would widen". Like, really? Lie to me, seriously. You don't get to guess what the fuck you're doing in my mouth. I didn't guess when I chose him over others and I don't guess that maybe I'll write him a check this month and maybe I won't and I certainly don't get to guess on the amount of the check. Shit. Do your job.


Let's end on something as superficial as the former. I went bathing suit shopping today. What a horrible process. I don't care if you're huge, small, or in between-it's not fun. I don't even understand it. We might as well just wear our bra and panties because it's the same thing and looks better anyway because it's not pulling and tugging every which elastic way. I feel uncomfortable in a bathing suit around people. It's like being naked, your shit just hanging out everywhere like an invitation.

Have a fun friday, ya'll. Bye.

The familia

I am so super proud of my sister for being so on top of the things she needs to be doing in order to keep Zach out of trouble and in her custody and for having such a seemingly good attitude in court-even when people are trying to make her feel shitty. Is that a thing you to say to someone or does it sound condescending? Especially if it's coming from a younger sibling? I don't know, I believe in positive reinforcement but I don't want to embarrass her or anything..

Get this-I bought Jesse this thing..

http://ny-image3.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.68165347.jpg

..and the seller sent a little extra one as a thank you I guess and Jesse said the symbols read, "I love Mama". How freakishly odd is that? What I mean is that it's no secret my mother and I don't have the best relationship in the world but lately it's been pretty good. I'm taking her to see that Star Trek movie tonight. So, I don't know. The timing and content just seems...coincidental in some way. Significant. I love that shit. lol. One day I will stop calling stuff shit. Promise.

edit*****
Why don't my links actually freaking link to where you can click it and get to where you need to be? Arrrrrgh, it's driving me carazee.

Gimme the beat boy...

I always forget how much I really love country music. I grew up on it, it would be hard not to. I remember sitting on the stools of many a different country bar(that's a nice way of saying hole in the walls) crooning out the deep bass voices of George Strait, Hank Williams Jr, Johnny Cash, Travis Tritt, Alan Jackson, Reba, Tanya Tucker, Lorrie Morgan....oh, the list goes on and on. But then you grow up and get into all the other kinds of music out there, especially when you're kind of pushed that way by what I now consider music snobs. Sure, country definitely has some sad ass bluesy cry in your beer songs. Sure, that old joke about playing a country song backwards means you'll get your house, your wife, your kids and your dog back.

But man...that's life. Country singers sing about life and they make it simple. You understand exactly what they're talking about because they don't really double speak or try to make things more complicated than things already are. All artists write and sing about troubled times, some just make their songs more complex...seemingly more deep. But most times, the actual meaning is lost to a thousand different interpretations. Oh! Would an English Lit professor gasp at that thought? You betcha. But oh well. In a song there is the writer's truth, the listener's truth and the actual Truth-just as it is in any story. I'm rambling a bit off point now, though.

So! I love country music even though I forget that until Cris is around. I love the twang, I love the deep, throaty voices, I love the lessons, I love the camaraderie and the rip roaring crowds belting out all the songs whether they're slow or fast, I love that they generally incorporate so many different musical instruments into their songs. I truly think that people who listen to country music are much more inclined to enjoy all the other kinds of music. And guess what? Shaker got me a ticket to see GEORGE! He only needs the one name. The King of Broken Hearts. I LOVE him and am so freaking excited. I think everyone in Texas has been to see him, save me. Ya'll don't understand. On George Strait concert days, radio stations play him all day long. The bars play him all night long. People tailgate at the already overflowing, sold out stadiums. We will all meet up at someone's house, probably Shaker's, take a couple of hours getting ready, critiquing each others' dress, make up, hair and accessories. We will probably end up borrowing from each other's big overnight bags, because everyone knows that you always want what you don't have even though what you have is what you wanted at the time. We will drink a couple of beers as we make a huge mess in the bedroom and bathroom. And then we'll fill up plastic flasks full of Skyy Vodka and put it in our big purses or tuck it in at the small of our back...because we won't want to spend a thousand dollars for one small drink. And then when we get there we'll bemoan the height with which we're sitting and go to the lower rafters and there's hardly any doubt that we will somehow get farrrrrrr better seats than the ones we bought, through a nice benefactor who's leaving early, or an usher taking pity on us standing at the rails. And we will giggle when we buy a large sprite with no ice, and extra smaller cups of ice only because right after that we're going to run into the absolutely huge restroom so we can make our own drinks. Then we'll make our way back to our seats and look to our left and our right and smile at the good, familiar time we're having amongst people who feel pretty much exactly the same.

And that's our country concert. ;-) You can't tell that I'm excited, can you?

If you've got the time, take a minute or two to listen to some country music on this here blog. It's not always a sad song they wanna sing to ya. *wink*

God, Country and Free Enterpise

Sooooo, I'm in West Texas on a job. West Texas is.....flat. Dusty. A little smelly. And not very populated. I'm in Andrews, Texas to be exact..and when we drove into the town there was a very long banner that read "Andrews Loves God, Country and Free Enterprise". Interesting. I've got nothing against Christians but damn. That's not very welcoming to agnostics, atheists or whatever. It was very off putting. I will only be here for 1 day. Then we're off to another town that will likely be a replica of this one. Cris is working with me and my boss is separating us into different teams. :/

The great expanse of sky is beautiful, though. The blue is amazing. I've never seen such a deep, rich color.

Facebook

I did it. oh 'lars. Myspace is the dinasaur, right? Will probably end up deleting it, so rarely do I use it.

These Are The Things I Care About Today:

1. Sup with Cheney? Who is this guy and why's he giving press conferences about gay marriage? Did someone forget to send me the memo detailing him as a decision maker on these kind of things?

2. I feel bad for the Tiller family. I believe that man did what he thought was right and with the best of intentions. In other words, he wasn't out to make a buck performing late term abortions. His clinic was bombed and blockaded, his family harassed and threatened, for 20 years. The man was shot in both arms before and still continued on. So.. to the pro life groups "condemning" the acts.. you lie and feel good inside. You're the same ones who stamp your feet, throw out obscenities and make your faces distort into the ugliest of ugly when a woman walks up the sidewalk of clinics like Tiller's. You're the same ones who excommunicate a doctor for performing an abortion to save the life of a raped 9 year old girl. So why lie. Just say it's no great tragedy in your eyes. A life is a life is a life...or not.

3. I'm just curious wth Obama is doing. For some wildly surprising reason, I have the sinking feeling that I jumped on a bandwagon. The End on that.

4. Texas Home and Hospice. More to come.

5. Why I didn't even think to put my boyfriend on the list of the 5 people who mean a lot to me further down the blog..maybe I just included him in family and friends? Oh, you analytical mind of mine. I do love him in my own way. He's a wonderful guy..

6. A tiny pimple above my lip that feels like it's going to get much larger than tiny.

7. Keeping the coffee to a minimum of 6 cups.
I think that's it, today.

The power of love..

..is a huge power.

I don't want it. I can't imagine why people do, really. That Corinthians quote? That's a lie. Love can be unkind. It can be unkind, jealous, envious and impatient. It can devastate, humiliate, incapacitate..

Someone said something about being with someone who loves you a little bit more than you love them...and I agree. Then, you won't be hurt when they eventually betray you, reject you or do to you whatever is your particular flavor of hurt.

That sounds cold, possibly. I don't mean it to. It's just..if someone does that..say, cheats on you or tells you they're not "in love" with you anymore..it won't matter. Because you already half expect it. So, you won't be crazy, breath taking kind of hurt. You won't give them the satisfaction of your tears becoming their joy.

Though, the problem with loving someone a little less than they love you is the possibility of them experiencing that kind of hurt at your hands. And, for me, that's even worse...Conundrum.

"O! Hwai dungsyi"-You bad little thing-said the woman, teasing her baby granddaughter. "Is Buddha teaching you to laugh for no reason?" As the baby continued to gurgle, the woman felt a deep wish stirring in her heart.

"Even if I could live forever," she said to the baby, "I still don't know which way I would teach you. I was once so free and innocent. I too laughed for no reason.

"But later I threw away my foolish innocence to protect myself. And then I taught my daughter, your mother, to shed her innocence so she would not be hurt as well.

"Hwai dungsyi, was the kind of thinking wrong? If I now recognize evil in other people, is it not because I have become evil too? If I see someone has a suspicious nose, have I not smelled the same bad things?"

The baby laughed listening to her grandmother's laments.

"O! O! You say are laughing because you have already lived forever, over and over again? You say you are Syi Wang Mu, Queen Mother of the Western Skies, now come back to give me the answer! Good, good, I am listening...

"Thank you little Queen. Then you must teach my daughter this same lesson. How to lose your innocence but not your hope. How to laugh forever".

Oh, I don't know what I believe.